a letter to myself

In this post, I’m writing a birthday letter to myself. It is beautifully written with compassion and strength directed toward myself.

Mau lari sampai ke mana, Nak?

Menarik rasanya menulis dalam bahasa asliku, bahasa pertama setelah hanya bisa menangis untuk menyampaikan maksud. Selama ini, selalu berusaha menulis dalam bahasa Inggris karena pengalaman buruk dihina alay saat berupaya mengungkapkan perasaan dalam bahasa Indonesia. Dan mungkin, ini saat yang tepat untuk mulai berdamai dengan masa lalu, satu per satu. Manusia hidup dipenuhi kenangan yang […]

Thursday, September 19th 2019

At first I thought I’m going to write in Indonesian, yet I decided to write in English instead. Too cringe for me to write in my native language. It has something to do with my previous experience, I think, that I got mocked for writing about my feelings in Indonesian by an acquaintance back then […]

what it feels like to be depressed and suicidal (for me)

If only this society could treat psychological illness the same as they treat physical iillnes, I think there won’t be many people who suffer from unnecessary pain from hiding their illness.  I’d like to describe vividly what it feels like to be depressed and suicidal. The longest streak this bastard has ever conquer me is around […]


It has been a while since I post something positive, hasn’t it?  Trying something new won’t hurt I think and this is why I try to write something positive about hope. You know this year up until this very second, I haven’t been feeling really well. Starting on late January, everything started to fall apart. […]

another depression story

How bad depression is? It’s worse than what you can imagine. Imagine your hobby, and you want to do it, but you cannot find any motivation to do it. No, it’s not being lazy. It’s just, you don’t know what’s keeping you from doing it, but you don’t anyway.  There are many aspects of depression. […]